TRAIN UP A CHILD IN THE WAY HE SHOULD GO AND WHEN HE IS OLD, HE WILL NOT DEPART FROM IT

The first thing we must notice from the title is that it's from the Word of God.  This verse tells us that children need to be trained?  Why?  Because God says they do.  Also, notice that this is an imperative statement by God.  It's not a request, but a commandment of God.  The first part is a God's command.  The second part is the result of following the command, "when he is old, he will not depart from it."  The first part is our duty.  The second part is God's promise.  

Also, notice it doesn't say "train a child," but says "train Up a child."  This tells me that the training of children should be an "upward" movement, to build them up, not tear them down.  There should be a progression, not a regression.  You hear people say, "I must tear it down before I build it up."  Well, that may work with old fallen down houses, but it doesn't work that way with children.  All children are already of a fallen race, being born with a sin nature, so it is important that during their early formative years, they be properly trained and that training is to be upward.  "Train up a child."  The direction should be upward toward God.  It should involve nurturing and admonishing (Eph 6:4).  Nurturing is to instruct, to build up.  In this case, to build up in the faith.  Admonishing is to express warning or disapproval, to correct, to rebuke, especially in the dangers of sinful behavior.   However, today's main direction for child training is not upward, but a linier direction that encompasses everything around us.  

Also, please notice that God says train up a child in the way he "should" go, not the way he "would" go.  Not the way the child wants to go, but the way God wants them to go.  But, how many are out there today raising children in the way the child wants to go?  Most do, I'm afraid. Parents allow the child to choose their own direction, what's important to them, what they want to do, what they want to be, even to the point of allowing them to choose what sex they want to become.  It's as if the parents think they are doing something great by allowing the child to develop their own potential as if each child is born with a preset  pattern or blueprint, and it must be allowed to be opened up, discovered, and developed.   

Well, again, each child is born with a sin nature, and that nature should never be explored and developed, but that is what is being done today.  Now, I understand that each boy or girl is born with a certain personality and they have talents, abilities, or aptitudes that can be developed, but this is not what I am talking about here.  There's nothing wrong with a child being gifted or talented in art, music, or have an aptitude for mechanics, electronics, etc.  These are not sinful, but allowing a child to become covetous, proud, disobedient, unthankful, dishonest, fierce, hateful, having unnatural affections, or exploring any sinful desires from within, all these are sinful (2Tim 3:1-5: Gal 5:19-21), and will ruin the child, bringing heartache to themselves and to others in their life.      

Next, please, especially notice that God gives us the subject matter in training the child.  Notice, He says, "Train the child in THE WAY he should go.  Yes there is a way, and it is the way God wants every child to go.  What is the Way the child should go?  Well, it is not a random direction that's different for each child.  No, it's one way that God wants every child to go.  Notice, God did not say "A Way."  He said "The Way," with "the" being a definite article.  Not "a" way, as in many ways, but God has in mind one way, "The Way."              

THE WAY IN THE OLD TESTAMENT

In the Old Testament, God's "Way" was for His followers to obey His commands.  For example, Abraham was one of God's followers.  He was not a perfect man, his faith failing sometimes, but in the long run, he learned to trust and follow God.  God complimented  Abraham by saying, "For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep "the way" of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him (Gen 18:19)."  One reason God chose Abraham was that He knew he would train his children and household in the "way of the Lord."  Now, they had their ups and downs, but overall, they learned to trust God and follow the "way of the Lord" and "to do justice and judgment."     

God commands all His followers to obey His Word, and to teach their children to do likewise.  God said in Det 6:6, "And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:  7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up." 

Yes, it was a command of God that his people would not only follow His Word, but teach their children to follow it as well.  Notice, that it doesn't appear that the teaching children was any kind of formal instruction like sitting behind a desk in school, but informal and spontaneous, when they're sitting, walking, and so forth.  Not that there is anything wrong with formal teaching, but we get the idea that it's to be everyday and be an ongoing conversation.

Furthermore, the fathers leaning about God and teaching their children about Him was to be passed down from generation to generation.  For example, Psalms 78:3-7 says, "Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us.   4 We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done.   5 For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children:   6 That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children:  7 That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments" (Ps 78:3-7).

God instituted the Passover, and all the other celebrations, so one generation could pass down to the following generations the "Ways of the Lord."  They were also to spontaneously speak to their children The Way of the Lord and talk about Him often, reminding them about the praises of the Lord, His strength, and His wonderful works that He had done for them.  However, when the Israelites began to slouch off in this speaking of God's ways to their children, it would not be passed off then to the next generation.  As result, over time, the nation began to forget the "ways of God" and chase after strange gods.    

THE WAY IN THE NEW TESTAMENT

But, you know, God also has a "Way" in the New Testament, and it was not different, but a fulfillment of the Old Testament way.  It's clear that The Way in the New Testament is God's beloved Son.  When Thomas asked how we can know the way, Jesus said, "I am The Way!"  Did you get that?  What is "The Way?" Jesus replied, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me" (John 14:6).  

So, when God says that we are to train up a child in The Way they should go, is that only in the Old Testament?  No, it also applies to the New Testament saints as well.  Jesus said that He is the Way, so we should be training up children today in the Lord Jesus Christ, who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  

For New Testament children, "Train up a child in The Way (Jesus) he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it."  

Now, is taking this verse in Proverbs out of context by squeezing it's meaning and application into the New Testament?  No, I don't think so.  Jesus is a fulfillment of the Old Testament.  Jesus said that the Old Testament spoke of Him (Luke 24:44).  

You know, I believe that because Jesus made this statement, "I am the Way," it seems that as time went on, the early Christians often referred to following Christ as "The Way."  

“The Way” is mentioned several times in the book of Acts in connection with early followers of Christ.  Christians were being taken prisoner.  Who were they?  They were men and women who “belonged to The Way” (Acts 9:2; 22:4).  In the city of Ephesus, Paul met some in the synagogue who refused to believe, and they "spake evil of that Way before the multitude" (Acts 19:9).  

During his trial before Felix, Paul said in Acts 24:14, “But this I confess unto thee, that after "The Way" which they call heresy, so worship I the God of my fathers, believing all things which are written in the law and in the prophets."  In verse 22, it says, "And when Felix heard these things, having more perfect knowledge of "that Way," he deferred them, and said......).  

Furthermore, Luke says that Aquila and Priscilla explained to Apollos “the Way of God” more fully (Acts 18:26). Peter refers to Christianity as “the Way of Truth” (2 Peter 2:2). And the writer of Hebrews says that Jesus’ broken body is the “New and Living Way” for us to enter the Most Holy Place (Hebrews 10:19–20).

"Train up a child in "the way" he should go (Jesus is the way): and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Prov 22:6).

So, how are we to train up a child in the way he should go?  Bring them up in Jesus Christ.  Inserting the Lord Jesus into Psalms 78:4, it would say, "We will not hide Jesus from our children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of Christ, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done"   Yes, formal teaching like Sunday School might be okay, but it is so much better and effective when it's done spontaneously and daily in the home by the parents, which is God's way.  Speak of  Jesus in the morning, and in the evening, as we are sitting in the house, and as we are walking by the way.  Let it be informal and spontaneous.  Let the children know that we love the Lord Jesus Christ.

WHO DOES GOD HOLD RESPONSIBLE FOR TRAINING THE CHILD?

In the verse "Train up a child in the way he should go..." who is God speaking to?  Parents?  Teachers?  Leaders?  Well, the verse doesn't really say, but most people would believe it's implied that God is speaking to the parents.  However, that's not entirely correct.  A close reading of Deut. 6 and Ps. 78:3-7, and other passages will indicate that God is speaking to the fathers.  He does this in many places in the Old Testament, but also in the New Testament as well.  

"And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Eph 6:4, Col 3:21).  Here, Paul doesn't say teachers, instructors, leaders, elders, nor even mothers.  Paul says fathers.  "Ye fathers!  Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."  

Now, that sounds a whole lot like what God said to the fathers in the Old Testament.  "Train up a child in the way he should go."  Sounds a lot like "Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  "Train them up."   "Bring them up."  Hey, God hasn't changed His "Ways," has He?  No, He hasn't.  He's the same yesterday, today, and forever.  If it's passed down by the fathers from generation to generation in the Old Testament, then it's safe to believe it should be that way in the New Testament. 

By the way, why does God say "fathers?"  Why didn't He say "parents?"  Why not "Moms and Dads?"  Well, I firmly believe that God said "fathers" because it's the fathers that He is going to hold responsible for the children.  God said "fathers" in the Old Testament, and He says "fathers" in the New Testament.  The "fathers" failed God in the Old Testament (read all the rebukes in Acts concerning the OT fathers), and they sure seem to be failing in today's times.  Just look at our country and the world today.  The fathers are not taking responsibility in teaching their children concerning Christ.  Like the Old Testament fathers, they slouched off in their God given responsibilities.  They have either passed it all off to the mother or to the Sunday School.  But, dad, must have a part, or the training is going to be weakened.  

In God's chain of authority, according to 1Corinthians 11, God is the head of Christ, Christ the head of man, and man the head of the woman.  God holds the man, the father, responsible for bringing up the children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.  The father, not the mother.  The father is responsible to God, and he will give an account at the judgement seat of Christ for the children (and the wife as well).  At the judgement, the wife will give an account to God for obeying her husband (Eph 5:22).  Yes, she is very important in bringing up the children for the Lord, but the husband, the father is responsible for leading and making sure it gets done properly.  Not passing it all off to her.  No, he is to be actively involved in nurturing and admonishing the children, but the wife is to be his helper in this. 

A wife/mother that submits to her husband's leading, and helps him with training up the children in the way they should go is so important.  It will result in "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her" (Prov 31:28).  

By the way, it's interesting to me that as far as I know, God only has one command directed specifically for children.  "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.   2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)  3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth" (Eph 6:1-3).  It's part of God's chain of authority, and the parents can show this to the child that He wants them to obey their parents.  Also, it's interesting that it doesn't say "obey your mother and father," but "obey your parents" because of possible situations of death, divorce, or adoption, they are still to obey their parents regardless of who they are.

So, in the judgement seat of Christ, the father will give an account in how the children turn out, not the wife.  Again, she gives an account in how she obeys her husband in raising the children, and she is extremely important in this.  Anytime things get out of sorts, it will not work properly and the children will be the ones to suffer the most.  When a mom takes charge of raising the children and the father slacks off and has other interests, then the children will not be nurtured properly.  They will be flawed.  Children will have a difficult time identifying with dominant mothers and passive fathers in the home, which will hinder their learning of their God given gender roles.  

It's natural that a daughter will love her dad, but as a female, she should desire to follow the example of her mother, because they are both females.   It's natural that a son loves his mother, but being a male, he will want to identify himself to be like his dad, because they are both males.   It just naturally happens, but when these male/female roles in the home are altered or reversed, then confusion will result and things will become unnatural at least by God's standards.  "For God is not the author of confusion" (1Cor 14:33).  Of course, the world sees all this differently, and they have their own way, which should be confusing to us.  

WHEN THEY ARE OLD, THEY WILL NOT DEPART FROM IT

I'm a real believer in eternal security for salvation.  I believe that a person that is truly saved is saved for eternity, that they will never lose their salvation.  You can have security in that.

Personally, I grew up in a broken home, so I knew all about not feeling secure.  When I turned 17, I heard the Gospel and got under conviction.  I resisted salvation, because I didn't believe I could live it, that I couldn't hang on, that it wouldn't last, and that I would end up losing it.  However, when I was given verses, and it was explained to me that we must trust the Lord and His Word, that it's a promise of God that if we accept Him,  He will accept us and will never leave us.  That it's a guarantee.  It's God's promise from His Word, and you can be secure in knowing you're saved and the Lord will never forsake us, because His Word says so.  

Well, when God says that if we train up a child in the way he should go, then when he is old he will not depart from it, well, that sounds to me like a promise of God.  It sounds like something we can take security in.  If we do our part and train the child in God's Way, then God promises that the child will not depart when they get older.  Bring them up in Christ, and they will continue to walk with Him.  We can rest in that, the promise of God.  I like guarantees, and this is a guarantee from God.  

But, people today say, "Well, even if we do everything right, I still believe when the child gets older, they will make their own decision, and they can still depart from it."  But, God says they won't.  Why is it so hard to believe in what God says?  God said, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, HE WILL NOT DEPART FROM IT."  The first part of that verse is your responsibility, and the second part of the verse is God's responsibility, so if the kid doesn't turn out right, then I strongly believe you did something wrong, not God.  

Of course, the reason you believe that they can depart from it, is that you believe you have done everything right, and you have also seen with your own eyes other kids brought up in church, that when they become teens or young adults, they depart and have nothing to do with God anymore.   Yes, these parents feel that they did the first part of the verse, and trained the child up in n the way they should go, but when they got older in their teen years, then they departed from God.  So, what went wrong?  

You did something wrong!  The training was wrong in some way.  It's your responsibility to "train up the child in the way they SHOULD go.  Not the way you want them to go, or the way they want to go.  You must understand that if you do your part successfully, then God will do His part.  If you can't do your part correctly, then God won't be able to do His part.  Yes, we can hinder the work of God when we fail to do what He tells us to do.  

I really believe that you don't want to admit that your "training up the child in the way they should go" was wrong.  But, don't you see, that if you are correct, then the second part of the verse has to be wrong, that when they are old, that they can depart from God.  So, either you are wrong, or God is wrong.  But, God is never wrong.  You are just not seeing things the way they really are.  You've been fooling yourself, and maybe others are fooling you into believing you've done it all correctly.  You failed!

You see, there are different reasons why a young person may seem to be walking with the Lord as a child, and later depart from the Lord.   Yes, as a child they might say they are trusting the Lord for salvation, they get baptized and join the church.  Everything seems fine, until they reach those teen years and start thinking for themselves, then they begin to depart from the Lord, and no longer want to have anything to do with Him.  Not all kids do this.  Kids that are raised right will not do this.  But, kids who haven't received proper training, could in spite of their parents, could still decide to go on with the Lord.  But, that would be rare.

THE FATHER MUST BE STRONG SPIRITUALLY

So, what happened when the child grows up, begins to think for themselves, and decides they don't want to go the "Christian route?"  I'll tell you more specifically what happened.  The father in the home failed.  He failed in someway in the training of the child.  Again, God speaks to the fathers, because He holds the fathers accountable for the training of the children.  He said, "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Eph 6:4).  If the children grow up and turn out wrong, then the father failed.  It's his fault.  Don't blame it on the child.  Don't blame it on God, either.  It's the father's fault.

So often, the father turns the complete training of the child over to the mother, but he has to be involved, invested, and oversee their training.  Now, this doesn't mean he has to be perfect.  We all have a sin nature, and we often come up short in what we do for the Lord.  However, the Lord is gracious and as long as we are trying to do the best we can to follow the Lord, His grace is sufficient to cover up a lot of our mistakes and shortcomings in training our children, and the children as they grow older, will understand that.  But, Dad must take the matter seriously and be the active leader in the home in training the children.  So, if the children don't later turn out right, then the father has done something seriously wrong in the training, and God will hold that father responsible.  

Jesus said, "Or else how can one enter into a strong man's house, and spoil his goods, except he first bind the strong man? and then he will spoil his house" (Mt 12:29).

Yes, the father is the strongman of the home spiritually.  As the strongman of the home, the father becomes an umbrella of protection over the wife and the children.  When he is no longer the spiritual leader and protector of the home, then the family becomes spiritually weak allowing sinful temptations to enter the home.  So, the forces of darkness will make their primary attacks on the father to "bind the strongman" so that they can then have the freedom to "spoil the house." 

"Well, but it seemed the training was done correctly, that the child was being trained properly, so what happened when they got older, they departed from the Lord?  What would turn the child against the training?  Was the child just a bad child?"  

No, something went wrong.  Well, what would turn the child against the training?  By the way, I don't believe there is such a thing as a bad child.  All children are innocent, like Adam and Eve were in the garden.  Children's souls are very delicate and they must have proper training in order to be raised up in the things of the Lord.  It's easy for children to believe and they will continue to follow Christ.  It's a guarantee of God.  "They will not depart from it."  If they do depart, then something in the training or something during the training offended them to such a degree that if turned them against the training.  But, what would do that?

 

THINGS THAT CAN OFFEND THE CHILD

Here are three things that I believe can hinder the training of the child.  It doesn't mean that it will turn them against their training, but that it has great potential in damaging their training in following the Lord.  They are:  parents are hypocrites, parents are abusive, or the parents divorce.  

Someone wisely said, "But a way of talking to children about religion, while they are left to contract bad habits, and to indulge wayward tempers; and while they see little or nothing of the tendency of the gospel in the conduct of their parents or teachers, is very different from this “nurture and admonition of the Lord,” and often leaves a rooted prejudice in the mind against those truths of which they heard much, but perceived no good effects" (anonymous).

Yes, the parents can be hypocrites in the home and in the church.  "Don't do as I do, but do as I say."  

No doubt most of these kinds of parents are not even saved, but we as saved parents need to be real with our children.  Just be real.  Don't be phony, or put on.  Be honest with them.  Let them know you can make mistakes.  Say you're sorry when you need to apologize to them.  You don't have to appear to them that you are a super Christian.  There's no such thing.  Just be real.

Parents can also sometimes be abusive to their children.  "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Eph 6:4).  What could provoke children to wrath?  Several things.  Disciplining or correcting the child out of anger, overly harsh punishments, comparing the child to their siblings, and so on.  "Admonish" in the verse has to do with expressing a warning or disapproval of their behavior in a gentle, earnest manner.   It should never be done out of anger by the parent.  If discipline is needed, then it should be done out of love.  Explain why they were wrong, even give them Scripture why it was wrong.  If it happens again, then explain again why it's wrong, administer discipline, and then pray with the child.  A little smack on the hand of an infant is fine.  "Don't do that."  But, make sure it's not out of anger.  

When, the dad or mom fails in these things, then it can provoke the child to anger.  Screaming and yelling at them, or "Why can't you be more like your sister," will surely damage the child, and possibly provoke them to anger.  If a parent fails in these matters, then be humble about it.  Ask the Lord to forgive you, and explain to the child that what you did was wrong.  Children are very loving and resilient and will recover quickly.  God will cover up a lot of our mistakes with our children.  But, there is no place for giving the child an unhealthy ongoing diet of screams, frustrations, and anger.  Such a pattern of abuse will build up to the point where the child is offended at the parent and their training.  

Now, I do know a little about divorce.  My mom and day divorced when I was 11 years old.  It crushed me, so I know how it hurts.  Fortunately, at least for me, my parents weren't Christians.  They didn't claim to be.  So, I didn't see my parents being hypocrites.  I also wasn't a believing child to be offended by Christian parents divorcing.  However, not long after the divorce, my parents remarried "for the sake of the children," and I have always been thankful for that.  When I turned 17, then I heard the gospel, and got saved.   

I see children that are being "trained or brought up" in the way they should go as being "believing children."  Yes, they have been taught about Jesus, about the gospel, and so forth, and they believe that.  They are believing children.  It doesn't mean that they are saved, because we don't know if they have  reached the age of accountability, thus as children they are safe until God holds them accountable.  Me personally, I believe that age of accountability is about 12 or 13 years old: some maybe a little younger, or some maybe older.  Not all children age the same.  Some mature slowly, some more rapidly.  But, we need to train them up in the Lord Jesus and teach them the gospel when they are young.  Let them be believing children.

If they think they are saved and they even verbalize it, then fine.  Just don't encourage it, because you don't know.  "Oh, you are saved now and have eternal life and you can never lose it."  Again, you don't know that.  It's better to wait until they reach the age of puberty and begin to think on their own.  If they still feel that way, then fine, let them be baptized and join in the fellowship of the church as a young adult (Acts 5:14, 8:12, 17:12, 22:4).  

It's easy for children to believe, and we want them to believe.  Christ said we adults must become as little children when we believe, speaking of their humility.  (I won't spend too much time here.  To get more information on all this, please read my article "Can Children Be Saved?)."

But, I just want to quickly point out that "believing children" can be offended, and it would be very damaging to them.  Jesus gave such a stern warning against anyone who would offend these believing children.  Now, notice this severe warning is not for offending Christian adults.  It's for offending any child believing in Christ.

DON'T OFFEND BELIEVING CHILDREN

Jesus said, "But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea" (Mt 18:6).

"Believing children" can be offended.  I believe most of these offenses no doubt come from their parents.  As I have already pointed out, so called Christian parents that are hypocrites, and so called Christian parents that are divorced are putting these "believing children" in the cross hairs of Satan.  In such cases, these believing children can be so offended, that when they get older in their teens years and begin to think for themselves, that they will depart from what they have been taught about the Lord.  It doesn't mean that all offended children will go this way, but it greatly increases the chance that they will.  

Now why did Jesus give such a stern warning for anyone that offends a "believing child?"  Because, they may not be saved yet because they are not at the age of accountability, and so they could later change their mind concerning God.  What damage this "offender" has done to the child.  Better for him (or her) that a millstone were tied around their neck and they were dropped into the depth of the sea.  

Now, I must be right on this, because great damage can be done to a believing child which would cause them to turn from the faith.  This stern warning is not against offending any believer of any age, because we are indeed saved and nothing can change that.  So, we are not talking about adult believers here.  Believing children who are not saved yet, because they have not reached the age of accountability yet, can be offended to the point where they do turn against their training and have nothing else to do with the Lord.  It doesn't have to turn out like this way in all cases, but the odds are so great that it will.  It depends on how great the offense is.

Now, who could Jesus be giving such a stern warning that whosoever offends a child so much that it would cause them to stop being a believing child?  No doubt hypocrite Christian parents, and especially divorced parents.  Today, churches are full of both.  Divorce among so called Christians in churches are on the rise, and it's destroying their children.  According to Focus on the Family, the divorce rate is 60% among people who identify as Christians but rarely attend church.  However, those who attend church regularly, 38% have been divorced.  So, even 38% is a terrible number.  Does that mean that almost 40% of the possible believing children in that church are from divorced parents?  I know the numbers don't necessarily have to correlate, but we get the idea that the number of believing children having divorced parents is fairly large.  

Like in the Old Testament when we see the Israelite generations becoming weaker and weaker until they slid off into idolatry bringing upon them God's judgment, we can see the same thing happening to our generations today.  Churches are full of so called divorced Christians who are offending their children to the point that no matter how much they train their children in Christ, they will most likely be offended and turn against the training when they get old enough to think for themselves.

Well, what about a genuine Christian mother that is training her children for Christ, and the father is not a Christian, and he wants a divorce?  What then?  Well, the Bible tells us what to do in this matter.

"And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.  14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.   15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace" (1Cor 7:13-15).

Clearly, it says that if the unbelieving husband wants to depart, then let him depart.  He is divorcing her.  The children will understand that.  

But, if the woman is saved, and the man isn't, but he is pleased to dwell with her. Then what?  It clearly says, she is not to leave him or to divorce him.  He is pleased to dwell with her.  Even though he is not saved, he is still the head of the house and she should still submit to him as faithfully as she can.  God says that this unbelieving husband is "sanctified by the wife" as she is training her children.  It does not mean he is saved, but he is sanctified or set apart by God in using him in this family that God may bless the Christian mother as she trains her children.  She is commanded by God not to leave this lost husband, or else her children would become unclean, but now they are holy (sanctified or set apart by God unto salvation).  In this scenario, the children are believing children being trained up by the Christian mother in the way they should go, and when they are older, they will not depart from it.  God is working in this family for the sake of that godly mother and those believing children "who are holy," sanctified unto salvation.  

Now, in this case, in light of modern times, let's suppose this wife says, "I'm tired being a Christian wife and mother and married to this lost guy.  I wish I could divorce him and marry a good Christian man who loves the Lord.  I would be so much happier and it would be so much better for my children.  So, even though the Bible says, "the woman which has a husband that believes not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him, she does so anyway.  Other Christian women are doing it.  Well, they even divorce Christian men.  

So, she talks it over with her pastor, and she files for a divorce from this lost guy who was happily married to her.  But, she wants the divorce and she gets the divorce.  Then, the children most likely will be deeply offended.  Yes, even though daddy is a lost man, he still loves them and is happy to live with them and their mother.   Now, try to explain to these kids what is going on here.  Their saved Christian mother who is training them in the things of Christ wants a divorce and marry a Christian man, even though their lost daddy doesn't want the divorce.  He loves his wife and children and doesn't want it to end this way.

If you haven't figured it out yet, these kids love their daddy even though he is not a Christian.  There is a great, great chance that they are going to see their mother differently from now on.  They are going to be offended at her and at Christianity and will no doubt depart from all her training when they get older.  Now, they are going to live with their Christian mother and her new Christian husband and everything will be wonderful?  I don't think so.  

  

TIMOTHY HAD A LOST DAD?

God gives us a true life story similar to First Corinthians 7:13-15.  Ever hear of Timothy and his upbringing?  "Then came he to Derbe and Lystra: and, behold, a certain disciple was there, named Timotheus, the son of a certain woman, which was a Jewess, and believed; but his father was a Greek:" (Acts 16:1).  

You get that?  Timothy had a Jewish mother that believed.  She was a Christian, and we will see later her name is Eunice.  It then mentions that Timothy had a father that was a Greek.  Doesn't say he was a believer and never gives his name, so we assume he was not a believer.  

Paul said to Timothy, "When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also" (2Tim 1:5).  Here, we get the names of Timothy's mom and grandmother.  So, looking at both passages, their names are given, it says they believed, and Paul says they have "unfeigned faith."  But again, Timothy's father is not mentioned, his name is never given, and it never indicates that he too was a believer.  But, when you read about Timothy, he was a great Christian young man who served Paul and the Lord so well.  

And, Timothy had a lost dad?  How could Timothy turn out so well and apparently have a lost father?  I believe it was because his mother Eunice was willing to obey 1Corinthians 7:13-15, and dwell with her lost husband, for her sake, and for Timothy's sake.  Too bad we don't see this much anymore in today's churches.

Now, you may be wondering if Timothy's mother was such a great Christian, then why did she marry a lost Greek?  Well, my guess would be that she wasn't a believer at the time she married him, that they were both lost.  The gospel had not reached that area until Paul's first missionary trip which was around 44 or 45 A.D.  During his second missionary trip in Act 16, he meets Lois, Eunice, and Timothy, and this was about 7 or 8 years later in 52 A.D.  So, according to Acts 16, she's still married to her lost husband.  This is just my guess, but if true, then she indeed is a good Christian woman obeying 1Corinthians 7:13-15, even though Paul won't write First Corinthians  until 5 years later in 59 A.D.

You see, as I said before, God holds the fathers responsible to train up the child in the way they should go, and the wife should be a helper to him.  But, as we have seen, if the man is not what he should be, or maybe not even saved, then the Christian wife has to keep the faith, and keep it going from one generation to the next.  From Lois and Eunice to Timothy, and if he later marries, then to his children and their children.  Keep the faith moving, but it must be done by properly training the children up the way they should go, so when they are old, they will not depart from it.  Yes, there may be obstacles in the way, but like these godly mothers, they can work around those obstacles as the Lord helps them.   

 But, today many Christian wives that are married to lost husbands are given advise by their friends and pastors, that they should separate or even divorce their lost husband and a popular verse used is 2Co 6:14, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers."  However, I believe this would apply to when the couple initially gets married.  A young Christian woman should never go out and look for a lost man to marry, which would put her into an unequal yoke with an unbeliever.  Same with a Christian man marrying a lost woman.  But, this is not what we have been talking about previously, where a lost couple marry, and then later one of them becomes a believer, which is what First Corinthians 7:13-15 indicates.  Also, 2Cor 6:14 is not just in the context of marriage, but any kind of partnership.  For example, as a Christian, you shouldn't yoke up with a lost person in a business partnership, and so on.   

WHAT IS THE REVERSE OF PROVERBS 22:6?

I wonder if the reversed of Proverbs 22:6 would also be true.  In other words, will it work the same if children are trained up in the way that they SHOULD'NT GO?  Train them in the wrong way, and when the are old, they will not depart from it.  

The Bible doesn't really say for sure, but it does give us some indication that there is a tendency for it to work this way.  When you think about it, children that are raised up as Muslims are extremely difficult to break out of that religion and that way of life.  It's very difficult for them to get saved.  Same with other false religions of the world.  Same with Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses.  I have witnessed to some, and they haven't been open at all.  It's so difficult because you have to get them to see that they are lost first before they can be saved.  Jesus referred to lost religious people as being "two fold more the child of hell" (Mat 23:15).  It's easier to reach a non-religious lost person than a religious lost person, because they are trusting in their religion.  

But, does the Bible have anything to say about this, that children will grow up to be like their parents?  Well,  in the book of Mathew, when the crowd is crying out for Jesus to be crucified, they say to Pilot in Mathew 27:25, "His blood be on us, and on our children."  Well, they got what they asked for.  Their children grew up to be just like their parents hating and rejecting Jesus.  They would also receive the same punishment in 70 A.D.  Furthermore, the Jewish people today still strongly reject the Lord Jesus Christ as savior, but there are still a few that will accept Him.  Why?  They have been taught that way by their parents.  

Did you know that the following verse is in the Ten Commandments where it warns the Israelites to keep themselves from false gods?  "Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; (Ex 20:5).  Why do these Jewish children grow up and worship false gods?  Because they were brought up that way by their parents.  

I really believe people can break out of the evil ways in which they have been trained, but it's not many.  Rahab, the harlot, was such a person that went against her training.  She was raised to be a Canaanite pagan.  She was also a harlot.  But, when she heard about the great works that God had done in leading Israel out of Egypt and bringing them into the promise land (Joshua 2:10), she offered to help the Israelite spies if they promised to help save her and her family from destruction.  Eventually, she must have become a believer because she lived with the Israelites the rest of her life, and she is mentioned in the Book of Hebrews Hall of Faith (Heb 11:31).  Multitudes of pagan Canaanites perished, except for this one woman and her family.    

When we look at the people before the flood, we see this also being the pattern that the children are becoming just like their pagan parents.  Why?  They're raised up that way.  "And God said unto Noah, The end of all flesh is come before me; for the earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth" (Gen 6:13).  "The end of all flesh is come before me" means that if Noah and his family should die off, there wouldn't be any God fearing people left on earth to perpetuate the faith, thus faith in Jehovah God would become extinct.   The flame would flicker and then go out.  

By the way, there's no such thing as Calvinism where God can turn on a few people's hearts to accept Him.  Faith and salvation have never worked that way.  Down throughout history, God has always had a thin red line, a trail of blood representing those people of faith who trust God.  So, we have Adam, Abel, Seth, all the way down throughout time until the last soul gets saved before the end of time.

There are only two ways I see in keeping that "trail of faith" going forward.  The first way and the best way is to train up our children in the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from it.  Why is it the best way?  Because it's has a guarantee from God to work as long as we do our part.  The second way is to get the gospel out so that lost people like Rahab have the opportunity to get saved.  There's another reason why raising and building strong children is better than winning lost men and women.  

So, to answer the question, "is the reversed of Proverbs 22:6 true, I would say it doesn't have to be.  Children trained in a wrong way by their parents can grow up and do the right thing and get saved.  I believe it rarer than we think, and it's very difficult, but it can be done.  However, I don't believe this exception takes away from the promise God gives that the child will not depart from their training, if we train them properly in God's way, and make sure we don't offend them (divorce, being a hypocrite, or abusing them).

CONCLUSION

So, in closing, I just want to say that I have changed my mind somewhat concerning how the faith gets passed down from generation to generation in the New Testament.  I once felt that everyone just grew up and had the equal opportunity in their lives to hear the gospel and get saved.  That it's just a random thing.   You know,  blast the gospel out all over the land through radio, TV, tent revivals, etc, and people will get saved like during the great gospel crusades of the past.  Now, there is some truth to this when you think about what the Bible says about spreading the seed, and if it lands on good ground, there will be souls converted. It's how I got saved.  However, the ground has become increasingly hardened over the past few decades than when I got saved in 1970.  What if there is not much "good ground" left in our country?  Is there any evidence to support this?

In the mid 60's the Bible was taken out of the public school system and we can now see the adverse affects of that from one generation to the next as our nation has become more secular.  Churches along with Christian schools have tried to overcome this, but I'm afraid they too have fizzled over the last generation or two.  We now see Christian families fighting on their own trying to keep the faith moving forward to the next generation.  As a result, we see home churches and homeschools on the rise across our country.  Churches seem to no longer have any influence over mainstream society, as it plunges deeper and deeper into sin.  Our nation is increasingly becoming more anti-Christian and anti-Bible.  

As a result of all this, I no long view America as a Christian nation.  As a country, we are becoming more secular and pagan, a dried up spiritual wasteland, making it more difficult for the good seed to fall on fertile ground.   Not much good soil in America anymore.  We've become a spiritual desert.  The soil is getting too rocky, too thorny, and too many ungodly birds to devour up the seed.  Further hinderances are the abundance of the toys and pleasures of this age along with the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, which chokes the Word, and it becomes unfruitful (Mat 13:20-22).

Since it's becoming more and more difficult to randomly reach people because people are hardened to the gospel, the best way in the Bible to pass the faith down from one generation to the next, is for Christian parents to raise their children up for Lord so, they then can raise their children up for Lord.  One generation passing on the faith to the next generation.  It was God's Way in the Old Testament and it should be His Way in the New Testament.

Paul said to Timothy, "Thou therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.  And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also" (2Tim 2:1,2).   Hopefully, teaching "others" would include children, because they are the easiest people to teach and the easiest to believe what they are taught.  As long as we adults don't offend them, they will continue on, and will not depart from it even when they are old.  

TRAIN UP A CHILD IN THE WAY HE SHOULD GO, AND WHEN HE IS OLD, HE WILL NOT DEPART FROM IT  

I hope that I have been a help to you.  May God bless you and help you to do the right thing according to His Word.

In Jesus Name,
James B. Sparks
jb5sparks@aol.com