Paul writes to the believers being persecuted in Rome, "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves," That is not a request of Paul, but a commandment of the Lord Jesus, "for it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord." So, why is it forbidden for a Christian to take revenge on someone? Because God says that vengeance doesn't belong to us. It belongs to God.
Whenever I take vengeance on another person, then I am taking upon myself something that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to God, never to me. The use of vengeance is always something that belongs exclusively to God. "Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord." "I will repay, saith the Lord." But, nevertheless, we want to be the one to repay for the offense that somebody does to us. If we do, then we are always in the wrong for doing so. "But, I had just cause!" No, you don't. It's never right for us to do something that God says is not our place to do.
Now, that raises an interesting question. If vengeance belongs only to the Lord and, we are never to take it upon ourselves, then what happens if we do get vengeful toward that person? Well, it's wrong, as I said. But, it's more than just wrong. It's sin. And, we all know where sin leads to. Discipline, disorder, loss of fellowship with God and others. So, God does not want us to retaliate against others when we are wronged, because it is not good for us to do so. It is harmful to our lives, our character, and to our testimony when we are revengeful toward others. So, when we try to get back at someone who has hurt us, then God will discipline us so we can learn to do it God's way. Two wrongs never make it right.
"But, I don't get revenge on people." Well, sometimes we may think we are not getting revenge on a person when actually we are, and we don't even realize it. An act of vengeance doesn't have to be physically assaulting someone. Or, it doesn't have to be verbally abusing the person, you know, "give them a piece of my mind." No, it can simply be speaking to others in a negative way about the person that offended us, not realizing that this is character assassination. It's still an act to hurt the person, to get back at them, to get revenge. This may make us feel better at first, but later the Holy Spirit will bring guilt into our heart.
All of these acts of revenge are things that are easily to be seen and heard. However, the one most often used is the act of being "cool" toward the offending party, then that is a little more difficult to see as being revengeful, but it is still an act of vengeance. It's withholding fellowship from that person, and they can sense that. It is a natural reaction to feel hurt, get bitter, and then to withhold affections for that person. "I don't like them anymore." "I'm not going to be friendly to them anymore." "Yes, I know, vengeance is the Lord's, so I'll be good toward them, pray for them, and "heap coals of fire on their head," so God will get revenge on them. No! That's still not the right attitude. You still want to see them get what they deserve for hurting you.
God says that "Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good" (Rom 12:20,21). Now, this says that we are to do our best to do good toward the person, by "overcoming evil with good." I really believe that we are not to do this out of a spirit of doing good to them so God will get even with them for us. No, our attitude should be that God will do what's best for them. "Heaping coals of fire on their head" means that because of you showing them love, there will be an opportunity for them to be convicted over what they have done and that they might repent, getting right with God and getting right with you.
Notice, the Bible says "avenge not yourselves, but rather give PLACE unto wrath:" (Rom 12:19). To me, this is clearly saying that we are not to take matters into our own hands, but to allow God to have room to get involved in the matter of judging and then executing vengeance if the person doesn't repent. If we try to be involved in anyway in the matter, then we are taking that "place" or room from God to get involved and things will only get worse for everyone involved and the testimony for Christ will be damaged. The unsaved will look and say, "Look how Christians act, no different than anyone else."
It hasn't always been easy to do as God has commanded us when we are offended by others, but it will work out well when we give God a chance to do it His way. Let me give a couple of examples in my life where I know it works.
EXAMPLE 1
In 1977, after finishing our student teaching, my wife and I got teaching jobs in Mason County, Kentucky. I was to teach the fifth grade class at Mays Lick Elementary School, which was a small rural school with only one class per each grade. I really enjoyed teaching those first two years, but at the end of that second year, my principal, Mr. W., told me that I would be transferred to the Orangeburg Elementary School to teach. I asked him why and he said that the superintendent was looking for a teacher to teach in a remedial class there, and could he recommend someone he felt could handle remedial students. This would have students with behavioral problems as well as academic problems, so it would be a real challenge. Now, this was a real shock for me. I had worked very hard to do a good job with the class I had so that I could keep it.
Mr. W. was a fine Christian man, a wonderful principal, and a good friend to me. We really liked each other. We were the only two men at the Mays Lick school. He respected me well and I respected him. But, when I learned I would be going to teach in a difficult class and school after I had worked so hard to keep the class I had, this really hurt me. Not just because of the action, but also because of a good friend recommending it. I really prayed about the matter, because I didn't want to leave and I didn't want to continue on with my hurt feelings toward Mr. W. I tried so hard to keep from getting bitter, but I couldn't help it. My initial reaction was to be cool towards him, and to share my hurt feelings with a couple of other teachers I was close to. But, I knew this was wrong, so, I prayed more and read 1Corinthians 12:19-21, over and over, and asked God to help me do the right thing.
First, I felt the Lord wanted me to go to Mr. W. and share with him my feelings, so I did. I met with him and asked why he recommended me to go to Orangeburg, and he said, "The Superintendent asked me who I would recommend to go there who I thought could do the best job in handling the problems in that remedial class. I felt like you are my best teacher and you would be able to do the best job in handling that class."
I replied, "I have worked very hard in order to stay at this school and keep the class I have. I don't understand how that working hard to be a good teacher in order to stay here results in me being transferred to another school to take on a difficult class. It appears to me that because I want to be the best teacher I can be, then I get promoted to teaching in a bad class with bad students, just because I can handle them. On the other hand, if I just try to be a mediocre teacher, then I can stay here, have a good class with good students that are easier to handle." I said this very politely and respectfully, asking the Lord to help me.
Mr. W. replied, "Well, Jim, I see your point and agree with you, but there is nothing I can do for it's already in the works. I hadn't thought of it like that, but I just recommended the person I felt would do the best job handling that type class."
So, then the tough part began. I realized I had to have God's help in not getting bitter and having my feelings change toward Mr. W. So, I prayed God would help me. "Help me Lord to still love and respect Mr. W. as I try to show him kindness rather than being "cool" towards him."
The Bible says, "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;" (Mat 5:44). Now, I did not see Mr. W. as being my enemy, or that he hated me, or was cursing me, or despitefully using me. I felt he really liked me, but was "using me" to do what was best for his career. So, in that sense, he was against me in this matter. So, he's not my enemy, but he's opposing me, in that he has offended me, and it's affected our relationship and our friendship. But, how am I going to respond? How am I going to treat him.
"Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good" (Rom 12:20,21).
Well, I finished up those last couple of weeks teaching and was getting ready for the next year moving to Orangeburg School. I prayed and the Lord gave me strength to treat Mr. W. as I always have in the past with kindness and respect. The Lord really helped me in this. It wasn't me. It was the Lord giving me the strength to have the right attitude. I just saw it that it wasn't personal. He was just trying to do his job the best he could.
However, during the summer, I got a call from Mr. W. and he said, "Jim, I have great news for you. There was a new teacher come into the Orangeburg School and she said she had experience in remedial and behavioral problem students and preferred to teach that type class, that means that you won't have to transfer over there. You can stay at Mays Lick and keep your old class." I thought, wow! The Bible works! This was the Lord working this our for me.
But, then Mr. W. continued on and told me there was also to be another change, that he would no longer be principal at Mays Lick School, that he was being transferred to the Orangeburg School to be the principal there. Why? Mr. W. continued, "Well, Jim, the Superintendent told me that I was the best principal he had and there were several problems at the Orangeburg school that needed sorted out, and he thought I was the best principal prepared to take on the challenge. Jim, when he said that, I thought of what you said to me about your situation. I see what you mean now. What I tried to do to you now has happened to me. It's the exact same thing, even the same school. I tried hard to be the best principal I could be so I could stay at Mays Lick, and then I get promoted to a real challenging school to sort out all the problems there with students, teachers, and parents."
Yes, I believe that by the Lord helping me to be kind, respectful, and praying and wanting the best for Mr. W., that by my proper reaction to him, it would "heap coals of fire on his head," meaning it would bring on him conviction in what he had done to me. But, it was for his profit. And it was so much more than that. Not only did I learn from this, but so did Mr. W.. He learned from it as well. Yes, he got a real challenge in going to Orangeburg. He didn't want to go there. He wanted to stay at a cushy good school like Mays Lick. However, because of Mr. W.'s conviction about the matter, he went on to be a great principal at Orangeburg and was later promoted to be the Superintendent of the Mason County Schools. We remained good friends in the following years.
EXAMPLE 2
This second example was a lot lesser in scope and value, but it's still a principle of how God can work in everyday situations according to taking the proper approach in not being revengeful to those who offend us.
After teaching in Mays Lick that third year, I began to feel the Lord leading me into some kind of ministry for him on a more permanent basis. I had done some ministry work at the church we attended and also some ministry with my students the three years at Mays Lick. I had prayer with them before we went to lunch each day, which not only did the principal know about it, but I also told the Superintendent about it. He said, "The parents would probably appreciate that. More power to you." I also noticed about ten of my students lived in broken homes, so I would have them over to my home for cookouts. I also coached the girls and boys basketball teams consisting of fifth and sixth graders. But, as time went on, I began to feel I needed to be more in full time ministry, so we prayed about it and left after my third year at Mays Lick. We moved to a Bible School in Pineville, Kentucky called Clear Creek Bible School. I had already been to college at Morehead State University and had a teaching degree. So, getting a degree at Clear Creek didn't mean anything to me. I just wanted to study the Bible and get more involved in ministry.
While at Clear Creek, I had a run in with my New Testament professor. I didn't care too much for him because he like many of the professors there were graduates of Southern Baptist Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky. I felt they were a little liberal and progressive in their theology, so it turned out we only stayed a year there and then moved on.
One morning, I came in a little late to my class with the NT professor, Dr. H.. After sitting down at my seat, Dr. H. made some comment about me being late. To me, it sounded as if he was ridiculing me. I was fine with being corrected by being late, but he joked about it in a cutting remark that made me feel so small.
So, I was offended by Dr. H.'s hurtful public remarks toward me before the class. I could feel some bitterness and was "cool" toward him. Now, my mind went back to a couple of years ago with Mr. W. at Mays Lick School. But, this is different, I thought. I really liked and respected Mr. W., but I don't really like or have much respect with Professor H.
But, the Bible is God's Word, and He doesn't say anything about us liking or not liking, or respecting or not respecting those who offend us. Friend or Foe. It doesn't matter. The Lord says, "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord" (Rom 12:19).
So, even though I don't like or respect my professor, I must treat him the same as Mr. W., so I really need to pray for God's help in this matter and so much the more than my experiences before. I never looked at Mr. W. as my enemy, but I could see myself looking at Dr. H. that way. So, Lord I really need your help in this one.
After praying to the Lord and pouring my heart out to Him to help me, I realized even though I don't like or respect Dr. H., I could still learn to love him as I should as the Lord helps me, but I don't have to respect him. My respect for him doesn't have to change, but I can bring myself to want what's best for this man. He does claim to be a Christian. He is a professor in a Christian College. But, I have been around phonies before and knew he could well be one. Anyways, that still doesn't change the commands in God's Word of not being revengeful towards him. I very much wanted to talk bad about him to other students. Some would even come up to me and ask me what I thought about him embarrassing me before the whole class like that. Believe me, the desire was there, but I knew it was wrong, so I refrained from it, just saying something like, "well, that's between him and the Lord."
Well, I thought I will do as I did with Mr. W., that I will go to Dr. H.'s office and share with him how I felt about the matter. So, I did. I told him something like, "Dr. H., it hurt me the way you corrected me before the class. I don't mind being corrected, but it really embarrassed me in the way you did it. I'm really sorry for being late, and I'll try to work harder in the future to be in class on time." That's all I said. I was very polite, and the next day when I came to class, I made it a point to speak to him in a kind friendly way showing I was not going to be "cool" towards him. I may have even complimented him on something. He seemed to be a little surprised not expecting me to be so friendly with him.
Now, at first I felt like I'm being nice to him and "heaping coals of fire over his head," so it would give God "a place unto wrath" for the way he treated me, that God would lower the boom on him. But, then I realized I was wrong being this way. No, I need to really want what's best for Dr. H., so I began to pray unto the Lord, "please forgive me and take all this bitterness from me and help me to have the right attitude towards him. I know that vengeance is yours and you said you would repay, but please don't just correct him in what he did, but do what's best for him, that he may grow from it and be closer to you."
After praying this way, I began to feel better towards Dr. H. I knew that the Lord would deal with him, but realized I just had to keep praying for him and be polite to him and respectful to him as my teacher. I don't have to respect him as a person, but need to respect his position as my teacher.
Well, it was only a day or so after all this that during our daily chapel meeting, when the whole school is gathered for announcements, prayer, and a short message from one of the staff members, that guess what happened? Dr. H. comes into the chapel service quite a bit late. One of the school administrators was the speaker and reprimanded Dr. H. for being late in an embarrassing way that made all the students laugh. I couldn't believe it. I don't ever remember seeing this done in chapel, but it was the same way in which he had embarrassed me in class just a few days before. Wow.
Later, that afternoon, Dr. H. asked to speak to me. We went aside and he jokingly said, "You know what happened to you happened to me." When he said that, I thought that was the same words that Mr. W. said to me. Dr. H. continue on talking to me how he had learned a lesson from what happened and was going to be more considerate of others. This not only brought me closer to the Lord trusting Him more concerning His Word, but it really helped me have more respect for Dr. H., not as much as I wanted to have with him, because he was still progressive in his views, but I did have more respect for him than before and we were more friendly to each other than ever before.
Well, God has shown me that the Scriptures do work if we will try to apply them to our lives. Yes, somethings are hard to do, and it seems like some commands from Scripture are impossible for us, but we can do it because "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Phil 4:13). However, if I had taken matters into my own hands, to get revenge on Dr. H., things would have turned out so much differently, with much damage done for me, for him, and for any other students that got involved.
BIBLE EXAMPLE
There are many examples in the Bible where believers do not get revenge, but allow God to avenge for them, for God says, "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."
You see, it works two ways, either I get revenge or I let God avenge the offender. But, God says we are not to avenge ourselves. We only mess it up. God says the only right way to do it is to allow Him to avenge the offense. But, I believe there is also a third way, and that is to ask God to not take vengeance for us. Yes, vengeance is the Lord's and He will repay, but what if the offended party asks God not to do this. To me this is the highest approach a person can take in response to being hurt or offended.
"And they stoned Stephen, calling upon God, and saying, Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. And he kneeled down, and cried with a loud voice, Lord, lay not this sin to their charge. And when he had said this, he fell asleep" (Acts 7:59, 60).
Stephen had a reason to want vengeance! He could have really taken this personal and gotten revenge himself by chewing out this crowd that was ready to stone him. Yes, he did preach to them and even called them "stiffnecked and uncircumcised in heart and ears" but that was true. They were! He wasn't trying to scold these people out of anger. He was trying to help them see the truth, but knew they were going to refuse it. But, more than that, he knew he was doing God's will, and he was willing to accept that even if it meant being stoned.
While being stoned to death, Stephen's last words were ", Lord, lay not this sin to their charge." I believe Stephan loved these people even though they're stoning him to death. Why else would he not want the Lord to avenge his death? Yes, these people would answer to God for all their sins including rejecting God, the truth, and Christ. However, they would not be punished for what they did to Stephen. Why? Because he prayed and asked God, "lay not this sin to their charge." Yes, there would be a lot of sins laid against their charge, but not this sin in stoning Stephen. This is the highest form of forgiveness from a man that doesn't want their offenses toward him to be laid against them. So, I believe this sin was not held against them. However, something really good came out of this prayer. I believe this statement of forgiveness deeply affected one of those in the crowd that day.
Paul, the apostle, would later say to the Lord just before his conversion, "And when the blood of thy martyr Stephen was shed, I also was standing by, and consenting unto his death, and kept the raiment of them that slew him" (Acts 22:20). I believe this is evidence that Paul was touched and convicted by Stephen's words and actions which may have "heaped coals of fire on his head." It may have not helped anyone else in that crowd, but it sure seems to have had some affect on Paul getting saved.
"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;" (Mat 5:44).
".......for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good" (Rom 12:20,21).
BEST EXAMPLE OF ALL
Of course Jesus gives us the best example of forgiveness. While being crucified, Jesus said "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34). Did God forgive them? You can count on it that God answered the prayer of His Son. This is one of the seven statements that Jesus gave on the cross that has been recorded for us. God wanted us to know that Jesus prayed this. If Jesus had not prayed this, then each of those persons crucifying Him would have been punished by God for their actions that day. However, even though God may punish them for other things, but it would not be for this act. Why? Jesus asked Him not to. Why? Because Jesus knew that they didn't know what they were doing. He knew that the Roman soldiers and the Jews there that day were only tools for the wicked rulers they served. But, Jesus also knew they were the tools being used by the hand of God for the purpose of our salvation. What a Savior!
But, did you know there was one person deeply affected by those words of Christ when He said, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." This statement would be the first of the seven statements Jesus would make on the cross, and one of the thieves was deeply affected by the words and actions of Christ on that day. The following is a recounting of the events on the cross concerning this thief.
1) Both thieves mock Christ in the beginning of the crucifixion (Mt 27:44).
2) Both thieves hear Jesus's first statement, "Father, forgive, them for they know not what they do."
3) Both thieves hear the rulers say, "He saved others; let him save himself, if he be Christ, the chosen of God.
But, then there is a change.
4) One thief still mocks Christ, ", If thou be Christ, save thyself and us."
5) One thief has a change of heart (repentance) and rebukes the other thief, saying "Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation? And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds: but this man hath done nothing amiss."
Now, what brought about this change of heart which lead to his salvation? Now we know he got saved, because Jesus said, "To day shalt thou be with me in paradise." Well, three events changed his heart. He heard Jesus ask God to forgive those who were crucifying Him. This was something you don't normally hear from a dying man, especially one being crucified. Secondly, he heard the religious leaders say, "He saved others.....". Then why couldn't he be one of the others? "If He saved others, then why not me too?" Thirdly, the Holy Spirit convicted him of his sins ("And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds"), and revealed to him that Christ was innocent and was his only hope ("this man hath done nothing amiss").
Yes, this thief (1) heard they were crucifying Jesus because He claimed to be the Son of God. (2) He heard His forgiveness statement on the cross, and (3) He heard the rulers saying "He saved others, let Him now save Himself, if He be the Christ." Wow! If He saved others, then maybe He can also save me. "Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom." "And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise"(Luke 23:42,43).
This thief mocked Christ in the beginning along with everyone else, but things changed for him. Why? Because of the words and actions of Christ, and the convicting power of the Holy Spirit. This man heard all seven statements of Christ. He saw the Lord breath His last breath and die. When the soldiers came to brake their legs to hasten their death because of the Jewish holiday, Jesus was already dead, but not the thieves, so this man saw and heard it all. Why did this thief get saved and not the other one who heard and saw the same things?
"The same sun which melts wax hardens clay. And the same Gospel which melts some persons to repentance hardens others in their sins" - Spurgeon.
CLOSING
I recognize that it hurts when we are offended by others, and it causes us to want to get even, to get back at that person. To pay them back for what they did to us. It's in our sinful human nature to react this way. But, God says it's wrong for us to respond this way. There are different levels of responding to an offense, but whether it's giving the cold shoulder, or it's character assassination, or verbally or physically abusing the person, it's all wrong. We tend to think giving the cold shoulder may not be as bad as verbally or physically abusing them, but it's still wrong. We are still taking matters into our own hands. God will allow us to play it out and nothing good will come out of it. Yes, it's wrong for them to offend us, but it's also wrong for us to get back at them. Two wrongs don't make it right. It will only further damage the relationship with that person. It can also damage the relationships of others around us. ".......lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;" (Heb 12:15).
"I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord" (Phil 4:2).
This clearly implies that there existed a difference between these two women in the church at Philippi, and that both were in the wrong, because Paul beseeches each one separately, and admonishes each to unite their minds "in the Lord."
Yes, we are all going to be offended at one time or another, but we are not to allow ourselves to become bitter which defiles relationships. We are not to avenge ourselves. Forgive the offender, pray for them, be good to them, desire for God to help them, and allow the Lord to deal with them. He will as long as we stay out of the way.
The following says that we are all going to be offended. But, how are we going to respond? The following shows how destructive the tongue can be.
"For in many things we OFFEND all. If any man OFFEND not in word, the same is a perfect (mature) man, and able also to bridle the whole body.".......... 5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. 7 For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: 8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 9 Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. MY BRETHREN, THESE THINGS OUGHT NOT SO TO BE" (James 3:2-10).
Notice, it says that the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Now, do we believe this or not? We might believe we can tame our tongue, but God says we can't. It is too unruly. No man can tame it or control it. This is true, but we are not hopeless. Even though we can't control our tongues, the Holy Spirit can. We must see our need, our weakness, and repent of it and go to the Lord. Lord, I can't do it, but you can.
The Lord can help us control ourselves in our relationships, and when we fail, to humble ourselves and get the Lord's help to make it right again. But, above all, when we are offended, we are not to avenge ourselves. Follow Romans 12:19-21, and God will Bless.
May God richly bless you for reading this and give you the strength to follow His Word in this matter.
In Christ,
Jim Sparks (jb5sparks@aol.com)
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